I THINK IT'S A POEM...?

HEIDI SCHECK
Feb 14, 2021
4 min read

Updated: Nov 14, 2022

Well hello, and here's wishing a lovely week to all of you! Thanks for tuning in! This week imma share a poem. ? Oh God. I'm a person who hasn't felt much of a connection to poetry most of my life until recently. I have enjoyed and appreciated poetry that I've encountered here and there over the years. I enjoyed writing Haikus, I wrote a paper on Emily Dickinson in high school. I love a good quote, I appreciate eloquent communication, words that move. I have been moved by poetry. I just hadn't put much intention into consuming or putting creative energy into that container. As my interest in it has been peaked more recently, I'm seeing that I have some resistance to stereotypes built around poetry and spoken word. Resistance born from a place of not feeling able to relate to those stereotypes, associating them with ridicule, then filing those beliefs away. Jury's in. Settled. Case closed... ...until it's not! As my new work pursuits have required me to write more and more, I'm discovering access to a new space. A dimension, a vibration, in which I connect to the muse and some shit just flows out effortlessly. I know better than to ignore the content of those sessions, even if I feel insecure about sharing them. This is all just a big experiment anyhow. Why am I making such a big deal about it? It is not the thing or the decision that is the problem, it is the debate about the thing or the decision that is the problem. So I'm just damn doing it, fuck it. Get 'er done. Quit making a big deal out of it, Heidi. I assign the meaning to the thing, otherwise things just are what they are. A poem is just a poem, it doesn't mean anything to anyone - unless it does. This post I am sharing is the closest I’VE come to creating poetry as an adult. Scary to share!! I still cringe every time I re-read it, especially the beginning - but that is exactly why I'm sending it out to my email list. If I feel vulnerable about the idea of sharing it, I want to do it even more. I don't always do it. There are easily much more vulnerable things I could share. As vulnerable as this feels it also feels surface level, less than genuine somehow. But this is what I have to offer now, and it is enough. Thanks for reading. ______________________________________ THE ENERGY GOES SOME WHERE, ALWAYS. . People tell me my words inspire and resonate, yet I continue to reject belief in myself. Why can’t I allow myself to be successful, to receive? Or is it that I am successful and receiving, I just can’t see it? I feel that I am trusting more often than not. I feel more free and present with pure potentiality in spite of the fear and discomfort. I feel lonely and disconnected but steadfast in my truth. Everyday waking to the question - why keep going? Because if I did not, the alternative is worse than death. The alternative is the antithesis - mindless participation, void of loving awareness. The energy goes some where, always. I can consciously choose, or I can choose from the illusion of separation - convinced that the sidelines are safe from participation and contribution. But I know that is a lie. The energy goes some where, always. Shall I turn my head and allow it to strengthen the lie? Or shall I turn toward the blinding light and choose my sovereignty, risking vilification? The uncertainty of tomorrow is all-pervasive, but relief is delivered as I embrace tomorrow as a neverland. A fantasy, an illusion - it never comes. Now now now. This moment is all that matters. THIS IS AS GOOD AS IT GETS. Can I feel complete NOW? Can I love myself NOW? Can I accept my circumstances NOW? Can I choose something different, anything different, NOW? Can I ride the flux, the ever-changing, ever-evolving, limitless possibility-filled expanse of the cosmic soup? The soup that patiently awaits my command to incarnate as the doorway, as the opportunity that will enable my next step? The soup that I bring form to with my sound, with resonance and ripples of vibration, synchronized in thought, speech and action? Can I realize the implications of that potential, that I create myself anew in ever fraction of every second of every moment of every hour of every day? Can I bask in the awe and glory of the limitless potential of this life? And surrender to the possibility that in this incarnation I will never know, will never grasp? Not in this vessel, as “Heidi”? And so I embrace pure potentiality knowing that this vessel enables me to experience contrast, and therefore existence. And I am peaceful. For awhile. And, albeit temporarily, I reliably forget. I forget who I am and what I am capable of. But some small shred of my being always maintains the gnosis that I forget on purpose - so that I can remember. For what else could facilitate a deeper knowing of divinity than experiencing the remembrance of a divinity forgotten? How much more tragically beautiful could it get than to realize that we ARE, WERE and always HAVE BEEN divine, perfect whole and complete? I did it on purpose. WE do it on purpose. All of us, collectively. Willful amnesia, to enable re-membering of our true nature and power for the first time, over and over. The energy goes some where, always. We choose. Choose to acknowledge or reject divinity. And no matter, because it is everything, and you are that. ♥️ ________________________________________ Here's me taking myself very seriously in my muse space office.