My Soul Wander with Tim Corcoran

This is an experiment. The objective - to make an interesting blog series out of my journal entries.  We will see where this goes!  I don't think I intend to do these in any particular order - the idea is, from week to week, I will browse back through old journals for entries that I think would be fun and probably, on some level, difficult to share.  This one is definitely a tad vulnerable for me - I doubt it’ll be hard for you to identify which part.  I hope you enjoy! The first entry I chose is describing my very first “Soul Wander” ceremony, which was offered and coached by the amazing Tim Corcoran in Sedona, Arizona, at a Fit for Service summit. Tim’s personality is amazing.  Very passionate, intuitive and insightful, and he has an incredible connection with nature.  It was a real treat to hear him lecture, educate, and help integrate.   Ok, to The Soul Wander - the short of it is, you set an intention for your journey and venture out, preferably fasted, with little on you but water. You literally wander out in to the wilderness for - usually 12 hours - following your intuition, connecting with nature, and heeding your inner whisper.  Our Soul Wander was only 5 hours, for the sake of it being part of a larger summit.  I still got a buttload out of the 5 hours.

1. Significance of Four Directions Honestly, I don't even remember what all of them signify - ha!  But East was the direction that spoke to me - I just felt like something needed to die and get left behind so I could come back new, so that’s where I went.  What I think I know is: East - sunrise - re-birth - resurrection…okay cool.  I was pretty on point.  And besides, that’s what it meant to me, damn it! In Ancient Egyptain culture, East is associated with the stomach, and has the appearance of a jackal.  That’s cool, too.  I just looked that up.

2. I was pretty sure I was trespassing for most of the “wander” section of my adventure.  I remember taking off for it really calm and collected, not apprehensive at all, really.  I was looking forward to it, feeling intuitively that this ceremony was going to bring my weekend in Sedona full circle.  Bring me home, baby!

3.  I felt pretty clear from the beginning that I was to find a spot to sit, and just CHILL.  In hindsight, it was a bit of a chore to find my spot with that fence constantly intersecting the direction I wanted to go, but I wasn't getting frustrated like often was my habit, so it wasn't bothering me that it was taking a while.  The way I related to the actual wandering bit was very matter of fact - “Oh, I can’t get through that way.  Hmm.  OK.  Back track, try something else. No problem.” -vs- old pattern - “What the fuck, there’s no place to get through here, this is some bullshit.  Fuck this nature wander shmander, I’m probably gonna step on a scorpion and fall on a cactus."

4.  When I found the spot, I knew it was the spot.  There was shade, and no super spiny pokey things close by.  Also, forgot to mention in the diary entry that I brought a bunch of crystals and a cross-section of Ayahuasca vine and a few other trinkets and set them up on the ground next to me.  I just observed.  I saw a bunny and some birds - some bees.  It was really tranquil, aside from the neighboring property's vehicles that were coming and going. (On whose land I was probably trespassing.)

5.  Ok, yes - I left the tissues, I’m sorry!  I didn't have any sanitary way to bring back shitty tissues, I’m sorry!  I buried them under rocks!  It was 2 tissues.  Sorry! 6.  And then, lo and behold, I got up and turned around to notice that I just took a shit right in this semi-circle of cairns that I had surrounded myself with.  And then I was quite proud of myself.  Look at that fucking little cairn shit altar, first time cairn-er, not bad!  Haha! 7.  Ok, it’s the fucking desert, Heidi.  Like, basically opposite. 8.  Ok, so the mirroring exercise was definitely the best part.  However - I was so exhausted coming back that I felt like I didn't have it in me to do the mirroring exercises - but a second wind slowly came on, and I’m glad I participated.  The mirroring really brought it all together.  Just telling your story out loud brings it to life in a different way.  Like, “Oh, shit - I guess that is pretty cool now that I think about it…” I was offered some really good insights, especially on my determination in spite of obstacles - I was free from STRESS and the CRITICISM CLUB that I like to bash myself with.  I noticed that I felt kinda bored a lot of the time while out there, but after discussing it more I realized it was because I wasn't bombarding myself with all the negative self-talk/critical-mind jibber-jabber that was usually raging on overtime.  That actually felt refreshing, and I started to feel kinda proud of myself.  Then, I really let it sink in that I had indeed had a ceremony out there, albeit somewhat unintentional (which is honestly almost cooler), and shit out my inner critic on a cairn encircled altar and buried it.  (Possibly while trespassing.)  Bye!  There was no fear on this wander, no stress or resistance or apprehension (maybe two thoughts of scorpions).  It was a rather amazing and foreign experience to me.   Well, not entirely - I guess I also feel that way just about EVERY TIME I GET OUT IN NATURE.  Duh.  DUH!  It hit me so HARD!  I mean, my favorite thing to do in nature is to go diving, dunno of a lot of activities more immersive than that!  In a weird way, this wander felt like healing done easy, which is something I'm not accustomed to.  I've been addicted to the struggle. The Soul Wander experience definitely proved to be a great wrap-up to an already mind-blowing weekend in Sedona.  Integration upon arrival home is another story altogether, however.  I will leave that drivel for next week’s email bout how I put little Miss Critic and little Miss Negative Nancy in the back seat.   They're still in the car, but they don't get to drive. Hope you enjoyed! Have a great week, and don’t let the door hitchya where the Lord splitchya! Here are some related links to check out: Tim Corcoran Nature Based Purpose Guide https://www.purposemountain.com Aubrey Marcus Founder of Onnit & the Fit for Service Mastermind Podcaster, Author www.aubreymarcus.com/fitforservice Rebecca Sparks Who was my amazing life coach for 3 months, and gifted me the journal that I currently record all of this in. https://rebeccasparkscoaching.com Be light and peaceful, y'all! Much love, Heidi